Rob's write-up, interspersed with Taff's korf-match commentaries...

Saturday - road mayhem

After a lazy day in London taking in Regent's Park I set off in the early evening to join the rest of travellers who had made their way from good old South Wales for the first ever CCKC appearance at the Littleport Lions tournament.

I had timed my journey so that I arrived in Ely for a fly-by pick-up from the others on the way to get food in Ely. I arrived at Tabland train station (Cambridge train station to most people) ready for my 50 minute rail replacement bus service to Ely. Wow was my weekend about to start for real! The bus driver made sure that a good 12 feet of rubber was laid down behind the bus as he proceeded to hurl the 1960's double decker around Cambridge in a manner old Shuey would have been proud of! We almost hit a family on a pavement after mounting it to avoid a turning car. This madness continued for the entire 22 minute (see allotted time above) journey to Ely.

Upon being picked up by the others I was regaled by similar stories from their trip up. Something to do with Zoe in the outside lane, almost missing the M42 junction and then cutting across 3 lanes of traffic and some chevrons. In spite our antics thus far, we all made it to our destination in one piece.

Upon our arrival we quickly decided it best to go for the all you can eat Chinese buffet. A quick walk of the high street to see the "chuffing massive" cathedral and we settled in a local pub, for local people. Despite the funny looks from the locals our visit passed without incident. More motoring mayhem was to follow. The path from the pub to the Chinese involved crossing the high street. Which was really a quaint little village street. No sooner had we put a step onto the asphalt did a maroon Mondeo brush us by equipped with full Bose sound system, purple downlighters and a medium sized ironing board on the rear bumper. This was soon followed by more chav boy racers in pearlescent Vauxhall Novas and XR2s.

The road was eventually crossed safely and the meal was thoroughly enjoyed by all. We all retired to our little inn in Stretham well fed.

Sunday - korf tournament day one

The CCKC massive rocked on up to the tournament at about 10ish looking the part in our new hoodies. The team had been treated to a cacophony of bird song, house alarms, church bells and loud northerners though the night but were still fresh for a day's play.

We opened up with a thumping win over Littleport Lions II - surprising even ourselves with the 9-0 margin of victory. As all the bribery in the world couldn't persuade Lee to come along, we were left short of a bloke so borrowed all day from the splendid Norwich Ice bloke quintet. First came Paul and a very welcome hattrick.

Phil was next to join us I think, and despite a splendid effort and two goals from Ian, we couldn't find a way past Trojans and lost by two.

Lions III were next up, except we kinda drew the short straw and instead played a rather useful Tigers / Knights combo side. Helped along by our third Ice Ringer (James???) we took a 5-3 lead into the closing stages but blew it with some crap defending and even worse finishing from Taff. It ended 5-5 and we were cursing lunch and the 30 minute delay which meant our grub arrived just in time to ruin our performances.

Determined to salvage some pride we took to the court for our last game of the day against a tough and physical Cambridge City side. After Pam put us in front, more expert passing from Ian gave Taff some simple chances and with Susan getting stuck in down the other end, we were looking good at 5-3 late in the second half. Yet again though, we let our opponents back in and changed ends for the last time at 5-5. This time though, we were determined not to let the game slip, and Rob's neat one handed finsh and Zoe's mid-court shot at the hooter wrapped up a morale-boosting 7-5 victory.

We'd acquitted ourselves well against some sturdy opposition and held 4th place at the end of day one.

The evening - boozin' and dancin'

The taxis were booked for 7pm to take us to the evening social. We had a tight 2 hour turnaround. Upon returning to our lodgings the boys went up to their room to enjoy a few beers and discuss prospective dance partners for the Ceilidh whilst the girls all went for a group shower, apparently. The girls took their time so the boys were dispatched to the local Chinese takeaway to acquisition some chips. This would have been simple had the takeaway owner known what was on his menu. "Hi, 8 portions of chips, 2 sausages (one plain and one battered) and one saveloy please" asked Ian. "Sausage?" the friendly man replied. "Yes, one battered, one plain and a saveloy" Ian repeated. "Battered?". You get the idea. Eventually, we managed to get the chips and sausages but by now it was 7pm so we had the girls yomp over to the takeaway and the taxis met us there.

Having stunk the taxi out with the smell of chips we needed to quickly line our stomachs before some serious drinking could be undertaken. Like the true chavs we are we ate the chips around the side of the leisure centre (site of the Ceilidh) sat on wooden benches. Some nearby 13 year olds with their bottles of diamond white were quite pleased to have some company for a change.

We are arrived at the Ceilidh early so quickly got a few beers in. Hearts sank as the "band" turned up equipped with Yamaha synthesiser and belts with bells on. Things did not look good. Fortunately our fears were not realised and despite the references to English country dancing, this was to be a proper Ceilidh we have all come to know and love.

The first dance saw everyone take to the floor. Once we had confirmed we knew the steps by shouting "Yes, Robin!", an act which was insisted on for every dance of the night, the "Maestro" was instructed to start the music.

After 3 dances we were all in need of a cooling off and so went outside onto the balcony. Zoe nearly killed an Ex-UEA player by knocking my beer bottle off the balcony. The first I knew about it was the load smashing sound of it hitting the floor 15ft below.

In good old CCKC style the proper drinking began once we returned inside with a round of smirnoff ice to bottlebong. There were some comedy efforts with Taff being the obvious winner. Next saw WKD blues and bacardi breezers, and Susan's shot glass lucky dip (!) followed by an assault course (the kids play area). I decided I would show them how it's done but feel over before I reached the first obstacle. I had the presence of mind to use by non-bottle carrying hand to cover the top of the bottle to avoid spillage rather than break my fall. Knows it.

The next dance was the best of the night. Taff had paired up with Pam, Ian with Rach and I with Zoe. The dance basically consisted of kissing your partner ever 15 seconds or so. I think most of the blokes enjoyed that one. The next dance, now infamous amongst CCKC Ceilidh regulars was a square set dance. No ordinary square set dance as it involved a lot of lifting and swinging. Kat, equipped with short skirt, gave everyone in the hall a cheeky view on the swinging part. Taff spent most of that dance trying to hold Kat up from dizziness after the swinging and I spent most of it trying to stop Zoe from collapsing in fits of laughter.

The night died out after the music stopped and there was just enough time for a quick assault course competition with Norwich Ice before we took the taxi back to Stretham.

I was not in Rachel's taxi but apparently the driver was bombarded with phrases such as "Drive, Drive, we're from Cardiff we are" and "I nearly hit a deer here last night, drive I did".

Upon our return to lodgings our spirits were lifted when we saw the lights still on in the bar and people drinking at 11.45. Lock in we thought. Fat chance, so we supplied our own beer and cake and sat in the beer garden. About 12.15 the barkeep came out and kindly served us a few bottles of bud. Bonus.

Monday - headaches and korf

We awoke heavy headed and sore from sunburn trying to fit together vague recollections of bottle bonging and assault courses the night before.

We were on first thing so the boys were on best behaviour and were not late for a change. The girls had gone shopping....

Luckily the tourney organisers seemed to sense that time was not really of the essence so even though throw off time came and went with the girls still in the car park, we didn't lose any points.

As it happened, lady luck was on our side, pitting our sore-headed, going-to-lose-anyway side against eventual winners and team we couldn't beat even without the hangovers, Cambridge Phoenix. A classy outfit sporting a plus 29 goal difference from 4 games was always likely to be too much for us, and so it proved. Our 5th Ice Ringer, Will, battled valiantly for our cause, Zoe's neat finish sparked a late comeback to get us within 2 but that was as good as it got.

Next up were our friends in the korf, Norwich Ice. We sent Kat off to find us a new supply of guest players and back she came with a large Littleportian called Ian who'd spent the previous night trying to find ways to dance with our girls. He showed he's no slouch on the korfball pitch either, landing our first goal - before bottling up our erstwhile teammates from Norwich. A defence-dominated game limped along to 2-2 (another perfect lofted pass from our own Ian creating our other goal) before a series of comical misses had the whole pitch gasping in disbelief. On another day this might have finished 7-7 but a draw was about the right result.

Lions I came next, pitting us against Littleport Ian and back alongside Iceman Will. Taff checked out of the game with two goals and a busted ankle to be replaced by yet another Iceman, who Ian continued to set up as if nothing had changed and we built up a nice lead. All our best efforts to chuck it away near the end came to nought as the hooter sounded with our lead down to three, and glancing up at the leaderboard revealed we had climbed to third overall.

Taunton were our last opponents, propping up the table but buoyed by a win over Trojans. With plenty of local pride at stake, it was finally Rachel's turn to shine - where she previously couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, she was now popping up all over with goals. Her hattrick, along with Rob's penalties and assorted random goals gave us a comfortable lead going into the final minute, and all we needed was for Kat to get on the scoresheet. Well; as if it was ever in any doubt! Her trademark skin-the-defender-and-pop-up-the-short-shot move duly appeared and as the ball sailed through the korf we could start celebrating.

A couple of other results went our way and after an inspired weekend's play Cardiff City managed to secure a solid 2nd place above the likes of Trojans and Cambridge city. Well done to all involved!

All in all a fantastic weekend. Awesome tournament, excellent social, inspired korfball. A must for next year. Book now to avoid disappointment.

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